Three months of Grace

I feel like Grace has been three months ever since she hit two months, because she's been wearing almost exclusively 3-month clothes. But it is official; today she is three months old!

Some things you should know about 3-month-old Grace:

• While she is not the most smiley baby, she is giving a LOT more smiles these days, especially in the morning, and especially to men.
• She sucks on her hands and fingers constantly
• She licks her right arm during tummy time when she needs to give her noggin a rest
• She jabbers like crazy, especially during tummy time
• She wants so badly to talk and is very interactive and observant when people are talking to her
• She gets excited and is trying to laugh, although for now it mostly sounds like breathlessness accompanied by arms and legs wildly akimbo
• She is calmed down by being in a sitting or standing position
• She's a great sleeper. To celebrate her 3-mo-mark she slept 10 hours!
• She can hold her head up really well
• She's increasingly more social and wants to be where the people are
• She seems to like music and when people dance with her
• She is very attentive to the TV (not sure how much I like that)
• She is grabbing, holding, and taste-testing the different fabrics of her blankets and spit rags
• She still likes us to hold the binky in her mouth and will hold our hands and fingers as we do
• She always wants her carseat cover open so she can observe everything
• She is is so expressive
• She is still a major spitter and it looks like she probably has eczema
• Her fake sneezes have gotten increasingly more hilarious, almost like she's doing it for her own entertainment
• Although it seemed impossible, she just keeps getting cuter.

We love our tiny Grace face!

Two months of Grace

On Mother's Day Grace hit two months!

This little pink hoody is one of our favorite things she wears. We're so sad she's growing out of it!

Here are the tidbits:

• She weighs 10 lbs, 13 oz placing her in around the 40th percentile for weight
• She is 22.8 in long, placing her in the 50th percentile for length
• She is in the 70th percentile for head circumference
• She is in the 100th percentile for cuteness (James wanted me to make sure I mentioned that)
• Her chunky thighs and Buddha belly have kicked her out of newborn clothes and into many 3-month clothes
• She is smiling-mostly when she's on the changing table-but sometimes when we tell her nice things
• She is starting to coo and babble
• She loves to lay out and stretch and yell at the ceiling fan
• Her neck and legs are very strong (according to the doc, her progress is about where most 4-month-old babies are at)
• She enjoys sitting up in our laps
• She is definitely social and is often calmed by just being with me in the kitchen or bathroom as I clean and get ready
• She consistently sleeps about a 6-hr stretch at night
• She often wants her hands up around her bottle and can sometimes hold it in place for a few seconds
• She has started grabbing my hair VERY tightly
• She sticks her tongue out all the time and loves to watch James stick his out
• She is still captivated by lights and windows everywhere
• She is quickly learning to "self soothe" (aka cry herself to sleep)
• She has officially been to three hours of church and was an angel (who am I kidding...a Mother's Day miracle)
• She often holds her binky in place when she's super sleepy in the mornings
• The McKeans think she looks like a Lyons baby and the Lyons think she looks like a McKean haha
• She's still a snuggly, cuddly bug

We (understandably) are increasingly more in love and more attached to her. Mother's Day was so special for me this year because of my beautiful little friend who I REALLY am not looking forward to missing 24 hrs/wk for clinicals this summer starting next week. I'll have to make all the hours I'm with her really count.

Mukumame and Rice Vinegar

Today marks six weeks since I birthed the most adorable human I've ever met. And I've been rewarding myself ever since so it's time to go to work on the extra "lbs." I am confessing this on my blog so I can hold myself to sticking to my goal....at least for 10 days. Haha ;)

I'll have you know that I don't believe in dieting. In fact, the last paper I wrote in college was a persuasive research paper against dieting....about how only 4-5% of diets are maintained and successful long term.  (Don't ask me to site a source on that; I shan't do the research again.) Anyway, diets are unsuccessful usually because they're too extreme.

So you'll forgive me if I tell you I started a diet yesterday.

But hear me out. I just need to kick start my transition away from sedentary-hood back to exercising-ness. Plus I totally need to eat better than I have been. You've heard Brian Regan's stand-up about "well I walked on the moon" as the ultimate one-upper in a conversation? Well, in a similar way I considered having a baby as a close second, so whenever in the past six weeks I tried to talk myself out of my third dessert of the day, I promptly reminded myself that I delivered a baby and continued dunking my Oreos.

A friend of mine is a BeachBody Instructor and invited me to do a free 10-day challenge with free access to work outs accompanied by set meal plans. I was going to just do the exercise part because remember-I'm anti-diet,but my wise husband helped me see that doing this could expose me to new delicious healthy snacks/foods/recipes that we could incorporate into our permanent lifestyle.

Lifestyle. Not diet....because no way am I going to pretend that I plan to keep up this rigid meal plan devoid of popcorn and ice cream.

So with that attitude in mind I will welcome the set workouts and take advantage of these healthy recipes...but I won't take it all too seriously. I'll introduce myself to new ingredients, meals and snacks, make appropriate substitutions or alterations to fit my personal palate and budget, cheat a little when necessary, and in 10 days I'll hopefully have a few recipes to add to my repertoire and a few pounds less to lug around. We'll see about the second one....I'm easing my way back into the healthy life.

Yesterday morning I did T-25-a short cardio workout-and it felt great to officially be working out again, but I DEFINITELY felt it this morning. This morning I did pilates and had to modify the MODIFIED MOVES for half the workout. But that's okay....slowly but surely.

This blog needs some pictures, so I took pics of my food. Don't judge them; this is not a cooking blog so I left out the checkered table cloth and decorative garnish.

I bought a few firsts: flaxseed, lentils, rice vinegar, etc. I know, all this talk of food is making you salivate.

Breakfast on day one: mostly egg whites, tomatoes, and fresh basil. I think I'd make it again even though this picture makes it look like mostly barf.

The fact that this snack is all green should indicate to you that it is a nasty snack. Shelled edamame (called mukumame) and fresh cilantro are delish on their own, but mix those with rice vinegar and sesame seeds and that equals a snack I will never make again. Plus, it is definitely not a practical snack to throw in my purse on my way out the door.

Lunch was delicious: chicken, green apples, red grapes, cashews, and raspberry vinaigrette. The recipe calls for walnuts, but walnuts are for old people. So I dug some cashews out of my trail mix I already had at home. I'm so resourceful.

Worst meal of my life. I'm sorry...trying to be open minded but I gagged this down. Not only that, but the presentation came out as a total flop That pile of quinoa, bell peppers, and flaxseed is supposed to be in a patty laid nicely across the wilted spinach. Gross, I don't want to talk about this meal anymore. Texture ew. Flavor ew. Lesson learned.

Haha, you were all hoping for cute pictures of baby Grace and I posted crummy pictures of health food.

One month of Grace

Grace is one month old!

Here are a few tidbits about baby girl:

• She gets cuter every day
• She loves to look at the lights and ceiling fans
• She is discovering her thumb and tongue
• She hates having her arms swaddled and always has them up by her face
• She can occasionally roll/tip herself over during tummy time
• She loves snuggling with mom every morning
• She loves water/baths/showers
• She has adorable fake sneezes, and her sneezing record is 9
• She loves to pee on the changing table
• She is a spitter
• She has a very determined cry
• She loves the car, her swing, and the baby carrier
• She has a very strong neck and legs
• She makes some pretty intense and impressive eye contact

Although it has been an exhausting first month, it has been wonderful and amazing. We are obsessed with Grace's perfect tininess and beauty and grateful to be her parents!

Bringing home our G.E.M.

The beautiful Grace Elizabeth McKean graced (see how I did that?) us with her presence two weeks ago and our lives were instantly and forever changed. It has been a whirlwind of a fortnight and I still cannot believe that I. BIRTHED. A. HUMAN. That was so crazy. Here are a few details of the miraculous event:

Grace was due March 15, but because my blood pressure had been slightly elevated the last little while my doctor wanted to induce me a week early just to be on the safe side.  There was something comforting about knowing exactly when we'd go in to have a baby. I also figured that if Grace came early she might not be a huge baby, and I was right. She came out at a perfectly even 7lbs, 0oz.

I was induced Monday night, March 9. My mom was in town and even though my doctor told me maybe just to rest during the day (because I most certainly wouldn't have a restful night coming up) we spent the day running errands all over the place and then when James got home from work we went on a 3-mile walk. So yeah, totally restful.

James and I got to the hospital at 9 pm and they started me on Cytotec to ripen my cervix. I was only dilated to a 1+ at that point. A few hours later I was dilated to a 2.5. I felt great other than some wicked bad heartburn. I know, I'm such a wimp. We watched The Secret Life of Walter Mitty and James drifted in and out of sleep while I tried to get comfortable with a blood pressure cuff going off every few minutes, two belts strapped to my stomach monitoring baby's heartbeat/movement and my contractions, nurses coming in to check on things every 5 min, and the thought that soon I would birth our first child. This equals not much sleeping.

I was freshly showered, full of of pb&j, and feeling good at this point.

At 4 am just as I was was finally dozing off to sleep my water broke. And then the contractions came on. I endured them for about two and a half hours before the blessed anesthesiologist came in to paralyze my pain..and my legs. James and I laughed at how the anesthesiologist happily wheeled in his cart of magical needles like he was the "candy man" bringing sugar and cheer. And that's basically...exactly what he did. Yay epidural! The epidural immediately made my legs feel warm and tingly like it was supposed to, but it didn't ease or numb my contractions. So I endured a little longer until he returned to give me a stronger dose. I was dilated to a 3.5 at this point and soon after this I FINALLY fell asleep.

An hour later we were awakened by my OB cheerily greeting us saying she was going to check to see how far I was dilated. ALL THE WAY.  I went from a 3.5 to a 10 in less than two hours! I had only been on Pitocin for 35 min. I hadn't even switched sides with the epidural. The nurses hadn't even put a catheter in. I hadn't even met my delivery nurse yet. And my OB said I'd probably have the baby out in 5 pushes! James and I were a little groggy, but being told you're going to have a baby RIGHT NOW kind of wakes you up rul fast.

Well Grace didn't come in 5 pushes, but she came after only 25 min of pushing which wasn't bad. It was 8:50 am on March 10. I got to watch it all in the mirror and it was the most amazing thing I've ever seen and fortunately the most amazing thing I've never felt. James cut the cord and soon after a purple, screaming, adorable baby girl was on my chest and I thought she looked exactly like a Grace. And Grace she is. Her middle name Elizabeth is in honor of her aunt Elizabeth, my mother and father-in-laws' firstborn who only lived a few months. She is every bit as beautiful as her name.

Grace aspirated a lot of fluid during delivery and so the respiratory team took her away and she had an oxygen monitor attached to her for the first day. Other than that I have to admit that the rest of the day was actually pretty great. Seeing as I had Grace an hour after my epidural kicked in, I didn't feel anything the rest of the day. No stitches, no post partum contractions or cramping, no pain. Just laid in bed with dead legs and ate Banberry Cross doughnuts and had family come visit and marveled that James and I have a daughter and obsessed over her cuteness.

When we left the hospital Grace was jaundice and her bilirubin levels were high enough that she had her heels pricked several times over the first few days of life and she spent a night on the Bilibed. The phototherapy worked wonders on her bilirubin levels and thankfully she was off the bed the next day. No more jaundice baby. :)

Parenthood thus far has been exhausting and wonderful and James and I are so grateful to be mommy and daddy to baby Grace. Recovery has been the pits but I am feeling much better and was so happy to finally paint my toenails and eat sushi! And my mom, James and friends have been so incredibly helpful with everything. And Grace gets more adorable every day.  See for yourself.

She does NOT like us to swaddle her arms. She likes to wave 'em in the air like she just don't care.

Totally posing

We love when she slips into her milk comas

Sometimes when she cries I just have to stare at her adorable sad/angry face and snap pictures

Tiny baby head

Just a photo shoot with my baby doll

This is her "sup dawg" pose

This is my favorite picture ever. She is very smiley as she's coming out of a deep sleep.

Leggo my Preggo

Today I am officially 27 weeks pregnant and I have yet to blog one word about this, my first pregnancy. It's mostly all I think and talk about these days, but they have been busy days so that's my excuse.

I'm a pretty big wimp when it comes to being sick because I'm hardly ever sick, so the idea of a first  trimester of nausea totally horrified me. Luckily, God also knows I'm a wimp and he blessed me with a wonderful first trimester. I hiked Mt. Timp and Angel's Landing around weeks 5-7. I had a little bit of nausea now and then (mostly just when I was hungry, which was an easy fix) and missed no work or class. With 40-hr work weeks, 5 classes, and 2 callings I was very very thankful for that. My cravings mainly consisted of apples, tomatoes (my father-in-law's garden tomatoes to be more specific), chewy sour candy, and the hot hot sauce from Chipotle. I wasn't demanding cheeseburgers or cupcakes at absurd hours or all hours...which James says don't count as "cravings" anyway since junk like that always sounds good to everyone all the time-pregnant or not.

Second trimester-which is rapidly coming to a close-has introduced me to those attractive maternity pants and a bit of heartburn. The heartburn has not stopped me from eating the hot hot sauce from Chipotle, however. I just carry TUMS with me now. We had a brief scare after my 20-week scan that baby girl might have a clubbed left foot, but after a follow-up ultrasound it was determined that she doesn't after all. No cravings now, no nausea, less intense exercising, and more huffing and puffing when I bend over to put on socks and shoes. Sleeping on my side is not my favorite, but feeling her kick and having James feel her kick is.

An added bonus of this already great pregnancy has been free ultrasound screening in my ultrasound lab on Fridays. My classmates have loved scanning me and watching baby grow. My instructor was actually the one to confirm the gender, and was disappointed to find out she's not a boy, because he thought we should use the name "Diesel." No offense, but no. Ew. No.

I will be quitting my job at Primary Children's the first week of January and will only have one class next semester (and it happens to be Obstetrics haha...how coincidental) so you could say I'm taking it easier, but I'm not. I'll be doing around 40-hr clinical weeks scanning real patients and learning from real sonographers. I'll be on my feet nonstop and most assuredly very large and uncomfortable.

The great part about the long weeks ahead is that both the clinical supervisor and program director have allowed me to front load my clinical hours so when the baby comes I can take some time off. All my classmates will work 24-hr weeks but I'll do more so I really can take it easy-or easier-when baby McKean makes her debut. She's due March 15, FYI, which I think sounds like a perfect day to be born.

I apologize if any of you have wanted to see pictures. I love seeing pictures of everyone elses' pregnant bellies, but I'm not such a huge fan of taking selfies of my own, I did have James take a few though.

At 20 weeks when I felt like I kind of starting showing a little:

At 22 weeks when I wasn't showing much more but I bought this new shirt and wanted to take a picture in it:

At 27 weeks (today) when I'm finally starting to feel pregnant and people who haven't said anything up to this point are starting to ask WHEN THAT BABY'S DUE:

With recent death in my family I am daily grateful for this baby and the upcoming miracle of her birth. It has been a reason to rejoice and a wonderful pregnancy so far. James and I are so stoked to be exhausted, overwhelmed, and completely infatuated new parents in a few short months. Here's to the third and final trimester!!!

Absolute Truth

DID YOU MISS A MESSAGE INTENDED FOR YOU?

The messages shared during General Conference are for all of us, but oftentimes a particular talk or theme throughout several talks is perfect for an individual that may not be watching conference. That same individual also might not take the time to look up the talk afterwards.

As I listened to conference this last month SEVERAL people came to my mind as needing to hear a very obvious theme of conference, the theme of receiving and maintaining a personal testimony of the absolute truth. I don't know if the people I thought of were listening to conference, but I do know there's a chance they will read my blog and I hope it does something for them. I hope it encourages them to look up the talks I will reference. I hope it encourages them to reevaluate their testimonies. I hope it strengthens their faith in some way.

But as I said, the messages shared during conference are for all of us, so this post is also just for anyone who needs it.

THE TREND OF LEAVING THE TRUTH

I have noticed-particularly since arriving home from my mission a few years ago-the number of members falling away from the church because of unresolved doubts and questions, differing political opinions, offense, and the influence of other members who have previously fallen away. The only thing that can keep any of these people in the church is a personal testimony that they find themselves and hold onto by their own effort.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is led by leaders called of and inspired by God. They are aware that members are losing their faith and falling away and addressed it most emphatically in General Conference last month. Their addressing this topic means God is concerned for me and you and any of us who have lost or who are close to losing our testimonies.

Below I have touched on a few of the talks that stood out to me and the important truths and take-aways I have extracted from them. To comprehend the full context I encourage you to look up the talk on LDS.org.

ELDER CHRISTOFFERSON: FREE FOREVER, TO ACT FOR THEMSELVES

1. While God is loving and merciful, He is also demanding and just. If we think we can simply "do what we want" and He will excuse it, we do not understand His true character.

"A God who makes no demands is the functional equivalent of a God who does not exist.  A world without God, the living God who establishes moral laws to govern and perfect His children, is also a world without ultimate truth or justice.  It is a world where moral relativism reigns supreme."

2. God is not coercive and His church is not designed to feel that way. 

"God will not act to make us something we do not choose by our actions to become.  Truly He loves us, and because He loves us, He neither compels nor abandons us.  Rather He helps and guides us.  Indeed, the real manifestation of God's love is His commandments."

3. Many claim that truth is relative or individual. That is not reality.  Truth is absolute whether one chooses to believe it or not. 

"To those who believe anything or everything could be true, the declaration of objective, fixed, and universal truth feels like coercion...But that does not change reality.  Resenting the law of gravity won't keep a person from falling if he steps off a cliff.  The same is true for eternal law and justice.  Freedom comes not from resisting it but from applying it.  That is fundamental to God's own power.  If it were not for the reality of fixed and immutable truths, the gift of agency would be meaningless since we would never be able to foresee and intend the consequences of our actions."

ELDER BALLARD: STAY IN THE BOAT AND HOLD ON

1. Don't leave the church because of questions; stay in the church because of what you already know.

"As I have known people who have not stayed in the boat and have not held on with both hands during times of trials and troubles or who have not stayed in the boat during times of relative calm, I have observed that many of them have lost their focus on the central truths of the gospel-the reasons why they joined the Church in the first place; the reasons they remained fully committed and active in living gospel standards and blessing others through dedicated, consecrated service; and the ways in which the Church has been in their lives "a place of spiritual nourishment and growth."

"Sometimes faithful Latter-day Saints and sincere investigators begin to focus on the "appendages" instead of on the fundamental principles.  That is, Satan tempts us to become distracted from the simple and clear message of the restored gospel.  Those so distracted often give up partaking of the sacrament because they have become focused, even preoccupied, with less important practices or teachings."

PRESIDENT EYRING: CONTINUING REVELATION

1. There is no other way to discover and receive truth than from God, from personal revelation through the Spirit.

"We all know that human judgment and logical thinking will not be enough to get answers to the questions that matter most in life.  We need revelation from God.  And we will need not just one revelation in a time of stress, but we need a constantly renewed stream.  We need not just one flash of light and comfort, but we need the continuing blessing of communication with God."

ELDER CHRISTENSEN: I KNOW THESE THINGS OF MYSELF

1. There is no other way to discover and receive truth than from God, from personal revelation through the Spirit.

"Learning for ourselves that the restored gospel of Jesus Christ is true can be one of the greatest and most joyful experiences in life.  We may have to begin by relying on the testimonies of others.  This is a good place to start, but we must build from there.  To be strong in living the gospel, there is nothing more important than receiving and strengthening our own testimony.  We must be able to declare, as Alma did, "I know these things of myself."

PRESIDENT UCHTDORF: RECEIVING A TESTIMONY OF LIGHT AND TRUTH

1. Seek for truth in the RIGHT places in the RIGHT way. That is as follows:

"My dear friends, here is a fairly straightforward experiment, with a guarantee from God, found in a book of ancient scripture available to every man, woman, and child willing to put it to the test:

First, you must search the word of God.  That means reading the scriptures and studying the words of the ancient as well as modern prophets regarding the restored gospel of Jesus Christ-not with an intent to doubt or criticize but with a sincere desire to discover truth.  Ponder upon the things you will feel, and prepare your minds to receive the truth.  "Even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you...that ye can give place for [the word of God]."

Second, you must consider, ponder, fearlessly strive to believe, and be grateful for how merciful the Lord has been to His children from the time of Adam to our day by providing prophets, seers, and revelators to lead His Church and help us find the way back to Him.

Third, you must ask your Heavenly Father, in the name of His Son, Jesus Christ, to manifest the truth of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unto you.  Ask with a sincere heart and with real intent, having faith in Christ.

There is a fourth step, given to us by the Savior: "If any man will do [God's] will, he shall know of the doctrine, whether it be of God, or whether I speak of myself."  In other words, when you are trying to verify the truth of gospel principles, you just first live them.  Put gospel doctrine and Church teachings to the test in your own life."

2. Once we make certain wrong decisions of course we look back on the Church thinking our belief was foolish or naive. This is not because hindsight is 20/20 but because we have lost the Spirit.

"If we remove ourselves from the light of the gospel, our own light begins to dim-not in a day or a week but gradually over time-until we look back and can't quite understand why we had ever believed the gospel was true.  Our previous knowledge might even seem foolish to us because what once was so clear has again become blurred, hazy, and distant."

MY TESTIMONY

It is my testimony that if you are currently doubting the truthfulness of the Church, it isn't because it isn't true or because it isn't true for you; it is because you have not put forth the necessary effort to receive and MAINTAIN that confirmation for yourself.  It is available to anyone who sincerely desires to know truth and is not forced on anyone. If you want to know if the Church is really true don't leave it to see if there's something better or if you're happier without it-first try LIVING the truth taught within the Church wholeheartedly and find out FOR YOURSELF the easier way.

While I am absolutely certain that asking questions is good and desired by God, I believe that leaving the church because of questions is cowardly while staying in the church because of truths we understand is admirable.  I cannot perfectly explain why women cannot hold the priesthood or why wonderful people who are gay or lesbian and want to live that lifestyle cannot simultaneously keep the commandments, but I will never leave the church over it. Because I DO KNOW that God is perfect, I know that He loves women as much as men and He loves those who are gay or lesbian as much as any heterosexual. I know that His plan is perfect and designed for ALL his children. I cannot give up the truth I do know for the questions that are waiting to be answered in the hereafter.

I believe that it is not worth losing the blessings of the gospel because someone offended us or because someone we loved who once believed now no longer does. We cannot be flimsy or flighty in our faith because of how others have unwisely used their agency.  If you were born into the Church or found the Church later in life you are among the privileged few in the world to possess absolute truth, so don't let it go in exchange for a lesser life of relative truth and confusion. 

The leaders and members of the Church are not perfect and never will be in this life. Political and moral issues will get progressively more complex and controversial, people will undoubtedly offend and disappoint us, we will feel disillusioned when those we once looked to as stalwart examples leave the church, but we don't have to follow suit. 

This is the great test of LIFE: can we recognize the truth for what it is and abide by it until we do have all the answers? We walk by faith, and I have faith that God knows what He is doing in His true church-the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Thank God for General Conference.