In the spirit of the holiday season, I would like to share a bit from my "thankful pile" (some of you will get that reference). Yes, it is technically after Thanksgiving Day. And yes, it's okay to be thankful and blog about it any day.
Rather than list the many things I am grateful for (the gospel of Jesus Christ, my wonderful husband and family, my health, desserts...to name a few) I wanted to take a different approach. I hope it helps you reflect differently on your own life:
I am grateful for the trials, challenges, disappointments, and seeming wrenches in my life plan that turned out to be blessings. Among them are the following:
1. When I was a freshman in high school I went through a period of depression. I didn't see a counselor or get officially diagnosed but I knew I was depressed and I certainly didn't feel like myself. I can honestly say they were the most difficult months of my life.
I am so grateful for this experience because it helped me find my testimony of the Atonement in a very real way. As I sought spiritual help I gradually regained the happiness I had known and felt like myself again.
It became easier each day thereafter to be grateful for the little things...grateful just to feel good.
2. Like so man others I sent off a missionary. Like not as many others, I was still single and still 100% interested in marrying my missionary when he came home. As fate or personal agency would have it, things didn't work out and I was disappointed to say the least. Devastated to be more accurate. I had known him since I was eight years old and there were many family members and friends expecting and hoping things would work out. The situation may cause you to roll your eyes. Young love. But it still broke my heart.
I am grateful for that experience because it introduced me to so many realities of life for the first time: disappointment is inevitable in life but life moves on, forgiveness is healing and relieving, there are better things ahead, and I don't always know what's best for me.
I am grateful for that experience also because years later that missionary and I were friends in the same way we had been growing up. I didn't feel angry with him or awkward about inviting him to movie nights and game nights I hosted and he invited me to get-togethers as well.
Ironically enough I married someone with the same name as my missionary who is every bit my compatible partner and a better fit for me overall. And that missionary married the girl he loved. So all things work out.
3. While I was on my mission in Argentina both of my Grandpas passed
away. I am the oldest child born to two oldest children so my whole life
up until then I had all four of my grandparents. I dreaded the day I'd lose one.
I am
grateful for these experience because my first grandpa to pass away was
not a member. As a missionary I had a dream of the whole
family dressed in white present at a baptism. My grandpa was there. I
woke up feeling that it was his baptism we were attending, and the year after my mission
we did the temple work for my grandpa as a family and
it was one of the sweetest experiences of my life.
Several
months later my other grandpa passed away. He had served his mission in
Argentina like I was doing at the time and he wrote me letters in Spanish. His last
letter to me said he couldn't wait to have me home in four months to
speak Spanish with him. I read that letter over and over again and even
though I usually wasn't quick to respond, I felt impressed to write him
back the next morning. I did so, and immediately afterwards got word from the mission president that my grandpa had died the night before. The rest of the
mission I felt I had my grandpa nearby. I felt a special closeness to
him.
4. My parents did not not give me or buy me a car, nor did they live in the same state as
me when I needed a car in college. I always had a car to drive at home,
but at age 23 I got tired of bumming rides and borrowing roommates'
cars.
I am grateful for this experience because it
forced me to grow up and learn a few things for myself: I learned what
to look for in a car, how I wanted to finance the car, how to register
the car, care for the car, and later sell the car.
5. Upon returning home from my mission I found it slightly overwhelming that nearly all my closest friends where graduated, married, and/or moved away. This too is a common situation for many, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier for the one who feels friendless. My dad had picked out an apartment for me while I was still on the mission that I would be paying for and I felt it was too expensive. I whined and whined about not wanting to live there but didn't take action to find another place, so I moved in.
I quickly realized I not only was in the best ward of my college experience, but I soon made lifelong friends in that ward in the following two years. I served in the most fulfilling callings and was extremely impacted by the bishopric members and the unique opportunities I had to bless others' lives through visiting teaching.
6. Returning to the topic of love, James and I had a lengthy and turbulent several years (I take full blame) of dating before we literally sealed the deal and got sealed to each other. Over those several years I often felt frustrated wondering why things couldn't fall into place more quickly or easily or like I wanted and expected they should.
Looking back it all makes so much sense and I wouldn't have done things any other way. I am grateful it took years, prayers, risks, and hurt pride for me to find my eternal partner, not only because now I
have my eternal partner, but because through those years I saw him react to difficult situations, to difficult me. I witnessed his patience, humility, forgiveness, and obvious love for me. I learned of his dedication, respect, and testimony of things working out for him in the end, whichever end that ended up being. He displayed a willingness to sacrifice letting me leave on a mission and was so supportive while I was away and so understanding when I came home and took awhile to figure things out. All those years taught me with certainty who I was marrying, and because of that I went into my marriage knowing my fiance incredibly well and knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had found my best and favorite match.
Not to mention that within those years I served a mission, worked in the temple, dated enough to know that James set the bar high and that the others didn't measure up, and learned and came to appreciate so deeply the process of personal revelation and the exquisite joy of answered prayers.
Plus James had graduated and been working when we got married so that was also nice.
7. I originally planned to intern in Utah in a place that felt familiar. Once I realized I was moving to Texas I planned to intern at Methodist Hospital and was so excited about the opportunity. Because of some complications that fell through I ended up interning somewhere else that, while in line with my major, didn't fit the mold of what I personally wanted to prepare for future career opportunities.
I am so grateful for that experience not only because I learned about some of my strengths and weaknesses, but because it helped me officially decide things I do and don't want to do in a job. More importantly, I had the opportunity to talk about the gospel, the church, and my testimony nearly every week. Sharing that with others was more rewarding than anything else could have been.
CURRENTLY
8. James travels regularly for his job and that has been difficult, especially as newlyweds living in a new state far from our families.
I'm grateful for his job though because it makes us take advantage of the days he is home, it allows us to travel and will open a variety of doors for James in the coming years.
9. My current calling is with the Cub Scouts in our family ward. When I was first asked to serve in this calling I kind of wanted to cry. On a few occasions after that I did cry. I was new to the ward and didn't feel the calling allowed me to meet new sisters, I didn't see how I could contribute since I never was a cub scout, never paid attention to what my brothers did in cub scouts, and don't currently have sons.
And then I realized that one day I probably will have sons. And they will be cub scouts. And it won't be my first introduction to the program. I will know what they need to do and will be excited to help them! So I'm grateful to learn now.
10. For the last several months I have been waiting on a job that I prayed to be guided to, interviewed for, and received. Because of a hiring freeze and other complications I have yet to start the job after over two months. This has given me more free time than I have ever been used to. I have had many moments where I felt unfulfilled and dissatisfied because I'm not in school, working, or raising kids.
I am grateful for this trial that some would call a huge blessing that I will look back on in the future and yearn for. I guess it just doesn't fit my personality to cherish too much free time. I have been blessed with one babysitting job after another which not only allowed me to feel needed and practice my "mothering skills," but it provided money for me to save towards paying off a student loan. This time has also allowed me to attend physical therapy sessions twice a week and do exercises at home twice a day to heal my IT band tendinitis-something I would not have had time for if I was working full-time.
I have been able to teach with the missionaries, tutor, read, create projects for myself, have long talks with my mom, and travel with James without asking for time off. While I look forward to a more rigorous and demanding schedule (as crazy as that sounds), I am truly grateful for the blessings that have come when the blessing of a job hasn't yet.
I'll be the first to admit I don't always have the best perspective while going through hard times, but I do know that blessings have come from those times because there is someone who knows better than I do what's best for me.
And if life's full of both trials and blessings and
we can learn to view trials as blessings, it's all good, people. Blessing on your head, mozel tov, mozel tov.
