I cheat on tests. Or at least I did this week. Makes for a great blog-post, huh? Bet you're thinking there's a catch, but I'm just that bad folks...bad to the hueso.

The best way to cheat on a test is to try and be so obvious about cheating that no one would ever guess you're cheating. I've got it down to an art. I refer to the calculator. Good ol' TI-83 Plus. You know him, I know him. Just luh dat guy. Got to a really hard math problem on my nutrition test...ya know, something like 7 times 75 and you bet I pulled out a calculator! I ain't doin' no LONGHAND. And what's shorter than longhand, ya'lll? Cheating, ya'll.

So anyway, I pulled out Texy (that's TI-83 Plus' real name) and he helped me out like he do and I was on my way like I is. I finished the test, completely dissatisfied with the lack of confidence I felt with regards to my score, and to make matters worse....as I handed over the bubble sheet I read these two words up in the right-hand corner:

NO CALCULATORS.

Oops.

Okay, well that oops gives away my "intentional" cheating.

So it was unintentional after all, but I decided it would be best just to try and get away with using a calculator on a test I wasn't supposed to use a calculator on since my score was going to be low enough anyway.

And now you know how bad I am.

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Actually, truth be told I was just horribly embarrassed. Really, Aleisha? You used a calculator to solve problems like "7 times 75"? Did first grade do NOTHING for you?

I came home and wrote a huge email about my huge saga to my professor, asking for partial credit because I at least knew how to solve the problems even if I didn't solve them LONGHAND. I worded everything perfectly and re-read the email a dozen times, making sure to leave nothing out.

3 minutes later my professor responded saying he didn't care one bit that I'd used a calculator; he'd never intended for it to be a "no calculator" test. Okay, now I'm embarrassed about writing that mammoth email apologizing and begging for partial points. And then, to add to my embarrassment, the professor mentions that he didn't think there were any problems hard enough to even need a calculator. So essentially, I'm dumb.

Embarrassed times three, dumb, and not really hard core bad girl after all. What a disappointing Monday.


Morals of this story: learn LONGHAND in case you ever take a NO CALCULATOR test. Always check the top right-hand corner of your bubble sheet just in case. If you have no morals and want to cheat, you can probably get away with it in the testing center because I just pulled that calculator out STRAIGHT UP in the FRONT desk right in front of one of them wandering "cheat-catchers," and they did not catch my unintentional cheating.

And I didn't do so bad on the test after all.

And then school happened....

You people probably have about as much time to read my blog posts as I have time to write them. That amount of time is NONE. I have lots of time to entertain a smorgasbord of interesting thoughts in my head all day long, but to barf them out into a crafty blog post is entirely different.

I went from having more time than I knew what to do with to having more things than I have time to do. And that is school's fault. Let me give you sips from both a glass-half-full and glass-half-empty perspective:

School is awesome because learning is awesome. I feel cool when I know new stuffs. Who doesn't want to learn that the three desserts you're eating a day are steering you down the yellow brick road to type 2 diabetes, a disease which is somewhere around 92% preventable?... said my Chronic Disease Prevention professor. Now I can keep eating those three desserts but with an extra dollop of guilt. I learn about how 1/3 of Americans are obese and I roll my eyes in disgust and shame at our fatty habits. And then I pick up some Taco Bell on the way home. And hate myself for being the "stereotypical American" who my classes are teaching me not to be. I'm obviously not in a writing class right now.....okay.....

And it's always good to know that if I divide one polynomial into another I get some absurdly ridiculous variable-infested radical that means absolutely nothing to me and looks messier when the problem's solved than when it was started. Glad I know that. I feel cool on the rare occasion I get the answer right the first time and a little bubble pops up that says "excellent." What it means by that is "Excellent job getting a 2 on your AP Calc test Senior year so that now you can take baby math with all the freshmen and feel smart for solving easier problems than you solved 5 years ago." Smart-mouth bubble.

But I really do like being back in school. After little brain activity for several months it's refreshing to have mini mind explosions anytime I open my physiology book and read about neurotransmitters and depolarization and antagonistic control of the heart....and then study it until I understand it. I enjoy being in so many core classes for my major (Exercise and Wellness) and find myself thinking about, applying, and sharing my new-found nuggets o knowledge with others.

It's satisfying to learn and progress and be busy. I love the challenge of learning how to micromanage the minutes of my day, savoring and relishing moments of rest or fun like you can't in the summer because the summer is in large part rest and fun. There's the thrill of never knowing who you'll run into throughout the day as you try to doggy paddle your way across the raging rapids of people right thur between the JFSB, the SWKT, and the ESC. You know the place. If you're not careful you'll get trampled like Mufasa. Mufasa. Mufasa. But seriously, the longer you're here the more people you know and the cooler you feel giving them the head jerk nod thing as you walk by. I don't do that, by the way.

There is a satisfaction from crawling between the covers and mashing your face into a cold squishy pillow after a long and productive day on campus that doesn't come when you're not in school.

And speaking of how much I love school, I should get back to my homework.

And it came to pass...

that Aleisha created one of these guys.  Welcome to the beginning of me tripping through all the crooks and nannies of the blogging world, friendlies.